Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
