Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
