I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
