My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
