Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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