I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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