the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
