I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
