In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
