hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
