Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
