im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
