the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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