its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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