Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
