there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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