who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
