i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize