girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
