thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
