Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
