I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Randomize