The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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