Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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