Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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