I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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