i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
