Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
