we have pet lesbian snakes
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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