You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
no, he came in my armpit
Redeem this text for a blowjob
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
