need another drink. this is the easiest way
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
