my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
