My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
