I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
