Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
