Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The Olympian is in my bed
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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