P.S. I can't hear my feet
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
