I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
