You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
