Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
