you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
