I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
