I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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