I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
