goodnight i made you a song goodbye
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
