my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
