Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
