Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
