I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
