I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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