It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
