You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
