He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?