It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.