Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
