Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car

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  (970): so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car http://tfl.nu/skxr
  Replies (22) Good night (7298) Bad night (891)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.

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  (248): Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam. http://tfl.nu/6oxt
  Replies (17) Good night (4360) Bad night (1341)
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  (805): View more from California

  I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.

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  (805): I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax. http://tfl.nu/bw4v
  Replies (8) Good night (1045) Bad night (1873)
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  (714): View more from California

  We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.

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  (714): We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked. http://tfl.nu/xyq8
  Replies (7) Good night (1443) Bad night (1048)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".

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  (386): Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant". http://tfl.nu/zn3b
  Replies (21) Good night (2505) Bad night (2156)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!

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  (814): i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen! http://tfl.nu/wf7b
  Replies (1) Good night (1070) Bad night (406)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka

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  (817): Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka http://tfl.nu/xkay
  Replies (9) Good night (661) Bad night (1318)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"

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  (917): If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia" http://tfl.nu/fadd
  Replies (0) Good night (637) Bad night (844)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  re read what you just said

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  (773): i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter (1-773): re read what you just said http://tfl.nu/07tx
  Replies (3) Good night (875) Bad night (1520)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"

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  (647): I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!" http://tfl.nu/1iw3
  Replies (3) Good night (2122) Bad night (439)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  My vag is like the Sahara

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ew that's gross.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  The sad truth. Barren and empty.

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  (267): My vag is like the Sahara (215): Ew that's gross. (267): The sad truth. Barren and empty. http://tfl.nu/3klg
  Replies (9) Good night (390) Bad night (872)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit

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  (309): trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit http://tfl.nu/sld4
  Replies (3) Good night (1019) Bad night (479)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.

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  (601): If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass. http://tfl.nu/tjid
  Replies (6) Good night (600) Bad night (519)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.

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  (913): I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise. http://tfl.nu/ymmb
  Replies (4) Good night (1240) Bad night (364)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked

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  (850): Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked http://tfl.nu/ebfg
  Replies (2) Good night (623) Bad night (189)

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