Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...