Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
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don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this