Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i came on her dog
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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