i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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