I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
