I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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