I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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