You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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