Sorry, I don't speak sober.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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