More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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