I CAN MOONWALK!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
