Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
