I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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