he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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