I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
