We named our party play list daddy issues
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
