I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
