All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
