she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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