he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
