Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
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Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
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Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize