last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
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I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
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I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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