I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
