I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
