well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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