I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Come on in and take your pants off
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
