I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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