I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
