Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
