there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
