so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
