maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
